To the disgust of millions who watched on TV or in person, a gang of brazen rats took over a Taco Bell/KFC restaurant in Greenwich Village, New York, yesterday – scampering across tables like they owned the joint.
The vermin slid down the backs of chairs, left trails of droppings on the floor and glared at passersby through the window until health inspectors shut down the eatery on Sixth Ave. near W. Fourth St.
“I just ate there last night – I think I’m going to be sick,” said Earl Heffintrayer, 29. “I’ll never go back there again.”
The invasion began a little after midnight, while the restaurant was closed, creating a public relations nightmare for Taco Bell just two months after an E.Coli outbreak at the chain.
John Martin, Taco Bell-KFC CEO issued a statement shortly after checking into a California rehab facility to be treated for depression. With tears running down his cheeks, he sobbed;
” I absolutely assure our few remaining customers that the meat in our KFC products is almost 100% chicken, and that our Tacos and other ersatz Mexican food is made from wholesome soy, transfat, red dye number 2, and the preservative trisodium benzoate 6, and contains absolutely no rodent product!. We immediately hired a top exterminator firm to destroy the rats, but there were few alive when they arrived. Autopsies indicated that the rats died from E.coli.”
Meanwhile hundreds of Taco Bells throughout the country experienced no customers. Pedro Lopez, manager of a Taco Bell in Benton, Texas had a .22 revolver in his belt as he sat idly in his empty franchise. ” I dare a rat to show up here,” he snarled.
Dick Hanson, in charge of public relations for Taco Bell said his company was investigating the possibility..” note, I said ‘POSSIBILITY’, he emphasized,”that Burger King might be behind this inconceivable happening!”