Nelson Ends up Mostly Eyeing Harris

Davie, FL (APE) – Republican Representative Katherine Harris, trailing, and badly in need of positive exposure in her first televised debate against Senator Bill Nelson, ended up with the Democratic incumbent and Florida voters, eyeing her for what she offered them.

Harris complained that the questions asked by a panel of journalists failed to address the moral values issues, currently entangling the Republican Party nationwide, for which she had prepared extensively.

“They didn’t ask us sex questions… I studied night and day. Didn’t ask gay marriage questions… studied night and day. Didn’t ask stem cell questions,” Harris said. “Studied night and day.”

Harris chose to saunter away from her lectern for the entire debate, as she responded to questions, but didn’t appear to seriously entice Nelson.

Harris has referred to Nelson as an “impotent liberal” throughout the campaign, but didn’t raise the issue at the debate. “How could I have missed not calling him impotent?” a frustrated Harris complained afterwards.

One of the most dramatic exchanges between the candidates occurred as they debated their positions on drilling. Nelson expressed disdain for current plans to tap into the Arctic national wildlife refuge, insisting that America should concentrate on developing alternative fuel sources for its future. Harris stated, “Whatever occurs behind closed doors between a legally married man and woman in the country of Alaska, and, for that matter, anywhere in the United States, is their business.”

Harris, with campaign funds dwindling to below one million as compared to 6.8 million for the Nelson campaign, most notably has put her Washington, DC second home up for sale to continue to finance her activities. Harris has stated that this shows the degree of her commitment to winning, and that she will be willing to sell much more in the future, if need be.