New Alberto Gonzales Terror Memo: "Don't Get Caught, Ya Big Dummies!"

Unconfirmed sources has received yet another terror memo written by our Attorney General to be Alberto Gonzales. The memo titled “Don’t Get Caught” explains in detail the importance of not torturing Americans on American soil, but if you are going to do it for God sakes don’t get caught. The memo also explains how it is ok to torture brown people in foreign countries, but stresses the importance of not getting caught.


Secret White House source, Bob Furermeister, anonymously delivered the memo to UCS late last week. We rushed the papers to the CBS Document Center for authentication and have been assured that memo is indeed authentic.

The memo written by Alberto Gonzales was sent to top CIA and Pentagon Officials.

Selected excerpts:

From the US Department Of Justice, Offices of the Legal Council

Re: Use of Torture in the interrogation of prisoners under standard 18