New Evidence Suggests that the President May Be Drinking Again

Sacramento, CA (APE) – President Bush was yesterday seen to take a tumble from Marine One upon disembarking and went back to pick up a liquor bottle, apparently unaware that a small contingent of Press and photographers had already been allowed in to document his arrival. Bush was apparently unhurt and aided by a pair of alert marine honor guards. Once Bush noticed the presence of reporters, a portable podium was brought out so that he could address them.

Bush started out the hastily arranged conference by stating that he was there to visit with California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and to promote his proposals for alternative energy sources for America. Bush became notably irate when a reporter interrupted and asked him what was in the bottle, and how much he had had to drink. Bush insisted that the the bottle was unopened and was a gift for governor Schwarzenegger. The President then abruptly terminated the press conference.

With his poll numbers seemingly set to plunge into the twenties, many have speculated on just how much more pressure the president will be able to take. Inside White House sources have refused to categorically deny that the president may have resorted to old coping skills to deal with the stress. Rumors flew late last week as the president was seen repeatedly toasting Chinese President Hu Jintao at a White House function and apparently made an off color remark to invited guest, figure skater Michelle Quan.

As the afternoon proceeded, Bush removed his tie and addressed an assembled group at the California Fuel Cells Cooperative in West Sacramento. Many noted that his speech was more slurred than usual, frequently saying “hygergen” for hydrogen and “fool cells” for fuel cells. Bush concluded by saying: “I understand the folks here, as well as in other parts of the country are paying high gas prices. We’re going to have a tough summer. But not me, I got a helicopter.”

Bush was scheduled for a more leisurely morning today with a bike ride in the redwood hills just outside of a swank Napa Valley resort. White House sources stated that the president made a number of stops throughout the ride but would not confirm if the president actually threw up. Bush blamed the course for his stops, telling reporters that it was “a little hillier than I would have liked.”