New Vermont Law Declares all Nudists Must Wear Hats

The state of Vermont approved a compromise measure between nudist and anti-nudist forces today declaring that any person publicly appearing nude must be wearing some sort of hat, head scarf or other type of head garment.

Vermont currently has no law restricting nudity in public places and this has caused outrage among certain Republican and Christian Conservatives in the state. The new law requiring head gear will become law on July 1.


“I am outraged that we have to wear hats!” said Vermont nudist Cheri Caulfield. “This is a blatant attempt to conceal our identities and prevent us from expressing ourselves and displaying the clothes God gave us!”

Many Christian forces claim that God did not want us to be naked at all and that was the reason for Adam and Eve’s banishment from Paradise. Other Christian groups claim that God intended for us to walk around naked and by doing so we are reclaiming our Earthly paradise. Theologians and religious leaders are divided on the subject.

Reverend James McArthur of the Bennington, VT Holy Roller Baptist Church said, “the Bible forbids nakedness except among married couples as is stated in Revelations 13:5 ‘He or She who walketh around nude be more lowly than the blessed sheep’. Or something like that. I don’t have the book right in front of me”.

Rev. Robert Whipkey of St. Judas Cathedral said, “I go jogging naked every morning. The Bible actually says ‘behold unto man for he and she are naked and enjoyeth the same’. I might be paraphrasing a bit but that’s the gist. And I already wear a hat to keep the sun out of my eyes”.

The ‘hats’ rule may be put on a voter referendum in November.. But, of course, all voters must now carry ID or they will not be allowed to vote.

“I have ID but I keep it under my hat”, said 83-year-old nudist Jacob Stein.