NEW YORK–New York Governor David Paterson announced on Thursday his intention to not only tax porn, but to tax sex as well. The Governor, who is blind, explained that this would help make up for the budget shortfall to enable the state to keep on spending while everybody else suffers.
“Quite frankly, I’ve never seen a porn flick that I have liked,” explained the blind Governor. “What is the point in porn anyways, when, come to think of it, I can’t possibly watch it?”
The porn tax plan calls for a multi-tiered tax system based upon the type of porn. BBW and Big booty porn will be taxed more heavily than will MILF porn, since this would dovetail with the Governor’s plan to curtail obesity with the obesity tax.
The Governor said that if he can’t get the pleasure from watching porn, then nobody should. He also said that he is going to tax sex as well, since the figure of a woman is “over rated.”
“We are going to tax people for having sex, too. Different amounts for different sexual acts. Sex is almost meaningless. I’ve never seen a woman that has turned me on. A woman’s figure is totally over rated,” said Governor Paterson.
The New York Revenue Department will enforce the porn and sex tax by having an agent assigned to everybody’s bedroom and every single porn site. Employees with the federal government, particularly the National Science Foundation, are concerned that a porn tax could cause worse budget shortfalls and deficits for the federal government, since they spend a great deal of time visiting porn sites.
“If New York imposes a porn tax, the National Science Foundation would need several billion more dollars in stimulus,” said a NSF employee, speaking on condition of anonymity.
The New York Congressional delegation has expressed concern over a sex tax, since they like to have so much sex with so many different people. “Not a single senior government employee or member of Congress is monogamous,” according to Centers for Disease Control’s report: Trends in Sexual Risk Behaviors Among Members of Congress and Government Officials.
“If the State of New York taxes porn and sex, this would bankrupt us members of the New York Congressional delegation,” said a NY Congressman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “This would make living unaffordable.”