North Korean sources revealed today that Kim Jong Un, the son of North Korea’s ruling leader Kim Jong-il and who has recently been promoted to military general, is a “total dumbass” and would most certainly lead North Korea to ruin.
“I went to school in Switzerland with Kim nine years ago”, said investment banker Falvio Pinkas. “He was a spoiled rich kid we all picked on. When he told us his father was the leader of North Korea we all laughed at him”.
Pinkas revealed that Jong Un did not do well in school getting by with barely passing grades and even flunking art and physical education. Jong Un would share a table at lunchtime with some of the so-called “reject” students.
“It does scare the hell out of me that North Korea might have a jerk like him ready to push the button and fire off those nuclear missile”, Pinkas continued.
Shery Francois, another schoolmate of Jong Un’s also expressed bewilderment at Jong Un becoming a ruling leader. “He couldn’t even get a dog to follow him!” she stated. “We used to put ‘kick me’ stickers on his back and everyone would kick him!”
Jong Un insisted his was his birthright, not his qualifications, that would make him one of the most powerful men in the world.
“My daddy told me I could be the leader”, a smiling Jong Un stated through an interpreter. “And the first thing I’m going to do is kick the asses of all those kids that used to make fun of me!”