Unconfirmed sources report that George W. Bush has renewed his subscription to Newsweek magazine after it’s Quran desecration story was confirmed by the Pentagon. Newsweek is planning on reprinting the story and putting a retraction of the retraction on the front cover of it’s next issue.
“Boy am I sorry.” Said the President at a White House press conference. “You fella’s at Newsweek deserve an apology from me and a whole lot of other people who made a big ruckus over that Quran story. Newsweek was right and we were wrong. I’m sorry I told the world you guys are just a bunch of knee jerk liberal thugs out to get me. I’m sorry I threatened to close you down and throw you all in jail for not towing the party line. I’m sorry I had the FBI, CIA and NSA look for dirt to black mail you with. I promise to never say anything bad about the left wing media again.”
“America needs a strong and independent media to counter the power of the government.” Said White House Spokesman Ben Lion. “The press plays an important role in our democracy and the President knows it. He is committed to press freedom and has decided to read one newspaper a month to properly weigh the publics views on his polices.”
“It’s true.” Said Newsweek editor in chief Mark Whitaker. “A subscription to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue has been renewed. I can’t tell you if its for the guard shack at the front gate or for the President, but the White House is getting an issue. We are glad that people in power value our service and we hope that Newsweek can continue to bring a little ray of truth to an otherwise dark and hostile place.”
The retraction of the retraction story will feature President Bush apologizing to the entire Newsweek staff and a long interview with the resident as he explains who he was caught up in the moment by the story and just didn’t want to believe that US Troops could do such a thing. “Killing Iraqi’s is one thing, but desecration of the Quran, that’s going too far.” Said Mr. Bush during the interview.