NFL Super Bowl Halftime Show Will Feature Four Nuns Playing Canasta!

Unconfirmed sources report that the NFL has decided not to risk a repeat of last year’s Super Bowl breast debacle and has opted for a more wholesome show. The Halftime Show will feature a local choir group and the main act will be the finals of the annual all nun canasta tournament held by the Sisters of the Unlikely Conception.

“We’re not taking any chances this time around” Said Ed Austin Former Mayor of Jacksonville, and member of the host committee. “We are not going to have any boobs flopping around the stadium this year. The Super Bowl is a classy event and we don’t want to tarnish it by letting a stripper have the stage again, even though it was great publicity for the NFL.”

“We have tried hard to strike a good balance between wanton sexuality and complete boredom,” explained The Reverend Frederick Newbill, Pastor of the First Timothy Baptist Church and host committee board member. “The Sisters of the Unlikely Conception put on a great show. They may be nuns, but they are cutthroat canasta players and really know how to energize a crowd. It’s going to be a great show, I just can’t wait to see who wins this years tournament.”

“What an event!” said former canasta world champion Flip Wilson. “This is really going to put canasta on the map and be a great stage for some of the best canasta players in the world. The Sisters of the Unlikely Conception are known in the canasta world as a group of real top-notch players, complete canasta bruisers. I’m very surprised they agreed to come play in such a venue. They normally don’t like to fight it out in public, but prefer to name the winner only after the secret tournament is concluded. This is going to be a great draw for the Super Bowl. They are going to tap an audience that would normally never watch a football game.”

With the game just days away the world waits with bated breath to see who will come away the champ. Will reigning champion Sister Mary Frances win an unprecedented third victory in a row or will novice Sister Eloise Elizabeth knock off the favorite? Only time will tell. Stay turned for the exciting conclusion to take place live on the fifty yard line.