Nidal Malik Hasan hired by Department of Veterans Affairs

LAS VEGAS, NV — U.S. Army Major Nidal Malik Hasan, the psychiatrist who went on a shooting spree, has just been hired by the Veterans Health Administration. He will be working out of the Las Vegas VA system, which has a good reputation as the place of last resort to go to for healthcare. Las Vegas VA director John Bright said that Major Hasan is the exact kind of physician the VA is looking for.

“Dr. Hasan will help the VA control costs by dealing with patients swiftly and effectively,” said John Bright in a statement sent to Unconfirmed Sources. “He [Dr. Hasan] possesses the exact qualities the VA is looking for in a physician and will serve veterans well.”

The VA’s promotion system centers around how efficiently a doctor can kill a patient by spending the least amount of money – otherwise known as rationing, the hallmark of socialized medicine. If a doctor takes a long time to kill a patient very slowly, over many years, by prescribing toxic psychotropic drugs, that would be considered less efficient than a doctor that is able to kill a patient by botching heart surgery, or just shooting a patient.

The VA bureaucrats and employees union advocacy groups, such as the American Legion and Disabled American Veterans, praised the VA’s decision to hire Dr. Hasan.

“Any time the VA gets a chance to spend more money on anything this inherently benefits veterans, since there is no such thing as wasteful spending and corruption at the VA,” said one DAV official, speaking on condition of anonymity.

The only two politicians who have publicly condemned the VA’s decision to hire Dr. Hasan are the two Dr. No’s: Congressman Ron Paul and Senator Tom Coburn. Ron Paul and Tom Coburn are both demanding the VA stop its recklessness. Senator Harry Reid praised the VA for being willing to spend money recklessly and denounced Senator Tom Coburn.

“Senator Tom Coburn is an enemy of veterans,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.