(New Haven : Ucs News) Unconfirmed Sources report Dr. Steven Novella of the Yale University School of Medicine was attacked by a small horde of angry space zombies. According to witnesses, Novella was returning from a meeting of the New England Skeptical Society when an “energy beam” fired from the Zombie’s eyes cause his car to implode. Shockingly Novella’s body was not found in the smoldering wreckage.
Sometime later Dr. Novella was found several miles away from the crash site lying in an elaborate crop circle. The dazed semi-catatonic Doctor was then taken by his Brothers Jay and Robert to New Haven Medical Center. However, while in the care of the medical staff in New Haven Doctor Novella’s condition worsened.
In effort to revive Novella he was transported to the home of Rebecca Watson. In the care of Watson he was treated with aroma therapy and several homeopathic remedies. While his condition was improving marginally Watson discovered that the zombie energy beam had caused multiple and severe spinal sub-laxations.
To restore the noted skeptics Chi energy to normal his friend Evan Bernstein was called in to perform acupuncture and healing touch therapy. When Bernstein’s efforts had little effect on the Doctors condition even after the furniture was rearrange to improve the Feng Sui of Watson’s home. Not until Perry DeAngelis and James Randi arrived and performed a 17 hour exorcism did Steven Novella regain awareness of his surroundings.
Dr. Steven Novella is now resting comfortably at home with his family after his near death experience. Novella explained the Zombie attack awaked his lost spiritual nature but that he can not yet fully enjoy his new enlightenment. When asked why he felt this way Novella stated
“I see dead people.”