Obama Announces All Cars to be Outfitted with GPS Devices

(UnitedStatesofAmerica) President Elect Barack Obama announced today that part of his national crime fighting efforts will involve outfitting every vehicle in the country with Global Positioning System (GPS) devices to track motorists wherever they may be.

Obama explained that Local Police, FBI, Homeland Security and other law enforcement agencies will now be able to track vehicles to cut down on crime.

Local Police will be able to monitor the exact location of every vehicle and will be able to catch speeders and traffic violators more easily. When a vehicle exceeds the speed limit, drives drunk, makes an illegal turn or engages in any type of motor vehicle violation, the police will be notified immediately and citations issued.

“We anticipate this making us lots and lots of money”, said Los Angeles Police Chief William Bratton. “And we’ll be able to use our officers more effectively for catching bad guys like prostitutes and drug users”.

Bratton also explained that knowing the location of every vehicle would help law enforcement catch killers and rapists by showing exactly where they were at the time of the crime.

“Someday people won’t be able to get away with anything”, Bratton rejoiced.

Homeland Security Chief Mike McConnell also approved of the new GPS requirement claiming that terrorists would not be able to hide.

“This technology should help to eliminate terrorism is our lifetimes”, McConnell stated.

Some privacy-rights advocates expressed displeasure with the new law. Obama dismissed those complaints. “Privacy is what criminals want so they can get away with their crimes. It’s what the cheating husband wants to hide the affair from his wife. It’s what the tax cheat wants to hide his income. We don’t need privacy”, Obama explained.

The new law will take effect after February 1. All vehicle owners are required to purchase the devices.

“Oh, it will also help you when you’re lost!” Obama stated.