President Elect Barack Obama announced today that the best way for Americans to come out ahead in these desperate economic times is to invest in high quality printing presses and print their own currency.
Obama explained that the United States had been printing counterfeit currency since the second year of the Bush administration. To save manpower, Obama said he would provide the paper free of charge to American families as well as instructions on how to produce authentic-looking 10, 20, 50 and 100 dollar bills in the privacy of their own homes. Americans will be allowed to produce as many of these bills as they need to satisfy their own individual financial circumstances.
“Desperate time call for desperate measures”, Obama stated at a news briefing. “But this offer also calls for great responsibility on the part of each American!”
Obama encouraged those who could afford the pricey printing presses to donate as much as they could to charities, the homeless and the less fortunate who cannot afford their own.
“This is like Christmas”, said unemployed financial analyst John Graham. “Now I will be able to pay off my mortgage, buy a new car and still have plenty for my kids education!”
Obama said the printing presses cost is $155,000.00 but would pay for itself in as little as an hour.
Not everyone though Obama’s economic stimulus plan was such a great idea. Federal Reserve Bank Chairman Ben Bernanke warned that this could set a dangerous precedent for other countries, contribute to spiraling inflation and make money meaningless in the long term.
Obama assured Bernanke not to worry and that everything is going to be “just swell”.
“This is only temporary until we get things straightened out”, Obama stated reassuringly.