Obama Fires WalMart Employee

President Barack Obama fired a 12-year WalMart shelf stocker this afternoon claiming the employee was “lazy, irresponsible and contributing to the downfall of the American economy”.

The President circumvented union rules when he fired 30-year-old Tom Callaghan from his 11PM to 7AM graveyard shift position claiming he had no other choice.

“I have been reviewing the employee records of millions of Americans”, Obama said in reference to the firing. “Mr. Callaghan was not performing his job adequately, had a tendency to fall asleep on his shift and frequently put merchandise on the wrong shelf.”

Callaghan defended his work ethic and staunchly criticized the President. “I admit, I have taken a few naps but that’s because I’ve been working two full time jobs to support my two children. I only nap during at non critical times and during my breaks. And I only put stuff on the shelves where I’m told to put it! President Obama can suck my (expletive deleted)!”

Obama has personally taken over the reigns of corporate America in a desperate attempt to rejuvenate the staggering economy on the United States. He has identified over 6 million Americans who will soon be fired or put on verbal warning.

“Also, I want WalMart to stop buying stuff from Mexico!” the President declared. “I want people to buy from American manufacturers like American Apparel”.

After his speech, the President was reminded that most American Apparel products were made in Los Angeles