President Barack Obama issued an upbeat assessment on the US economy today declaring that economic indicators prove the country will be profitable and operating in the black by the year 2109.
“I have made substantial budget cuts”, Obama declared in a speech before Congress. “If we continue on our current pace the United States can declare itself debt free by the year 2109. In addition, at that time, jobs will be abundant, GM, Ford and Chrysler will have become profitable and the banks will no longer need government assistance!”
Cheers erupted from the audience as Obama made his startling proclamation. Some overworked congress members were seeing wiping sweat from their brows as they realized their goals were being fulfilled.
Arizona senator John McCain expressed skepticism with Obama’s declaration. “How’s he know that the economy is going to turn around in a hundred years?” the skeptical former POW asked. “We’ll all be dead by then. Hell, I’m so old I might be dead next year”, the elderly senator quipped.
Obama stated that government bailouts, printing money, government control and other government related factors will ensure prosperity in the generations to come.
“Though we might have to skip a couple of generations”, Obama reminded us. “By the time our grandkids are in their 60’s and 70’s they will see a very different America from the one we have now!”
Rachael Pillsbury, a 28 year old pregnant housewife, expressed great enthusiasm at the president’s plan. “My baby might live long enough to see that happen!” she bubbled.