Johnstown, PA (Rotters) – An emotional New York Senator Hillary Clinton today announced in Pennsylvania that she was looking into foreclosure on her own campaign in order to recover the loss of the $5 million that she had previously lent to herself. Over the past month, donations have dried up as the public appears to have tired of her campaign’s tactics. As many pundits and superdelegates have begun to call for her withdrawal from the race for the Democratic nomination, her competitor, Illinois Senator Barack Obama, again stated his support today for her remaining in the competition if she chooses to do so.
In a controversial move, Senator Obama announced that after extensive talks with the Clinton campaign, his campaign would begin offering limited financial assistance as well as strategical assistance and advice to the Clinton campaign. The financial assistance would come as a restructuring of the loan that Senator Clinton made to her campaign in order that she would be reimbursed, and the monies redistributed towards the furthering of the candidacies of other progressives in the coming fall elections, a cause for which Senator Obama has been adamant and extensively supportive financially.
“We were actually informed of the Clinton campaign’s difficulties by Senator Clinton in a 3 a.m. phone call this past Saturday. As for Senator Obama’s resultant proposal, it’s just the right thing to do”, stated an Obama spokesperson, “and yes, he really is that nice of a guy. We’ll be helping them out with some cost-saving hints which have worked well for us, including the recycling of banners, posters, and literature during campaign events.”
The Obama campaign scoffed at the notion that their actions might in some way benefit the presumptive Republican nominee Arizona Senator John McCain. “If anything, this further illustrates the insignificance of anything that the Republican Party now has to offer to America through seven years of failed policy and incompetence,” stated the Obama spokesperson. “They will simply have to wait and take a backseat with the press and watch as the Democratic Party takes the time to get things done right.”
The Clinton campaign vowed that it would be back to business as usual come Monday. “While we applaud this fine and decent gesture from Senator Obama, nothing appears to have changed in regards to the overall intolerance and mudslinging that we have seen from some of his supporters,” stated chief Clinton campaign strategist Mark Penn. “In light of the financial decisions that have been made by our campaign, one would also have to call into question Senator Obama’s common sense and financial judgment in arriving at his bailout offer.”