BOSTON –Scientists at the 234th national meeting of the American Chemical Society (ACS) in Boston, Massachusetts this week presented the results of a study that suggests a common virus could be partly responsible for the obesity epidemic that is sweeping across America and other nations. Pharmaceutical companies are joyful at the news, and are busily formulating a new ‘fatso pill’.
According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), some 97 million adult Americans are obese, a huge potential of customers. Obesity increases risk of many illnesses, including type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and osteoarthritis.
The pill companies welcome the news, as they have been hard-pressed to invent and come up with diseases and conditions, followed by a pill to ‘relieve’ the invented disease.
Daniel Grossman, CEO of Faux Pharmaceuticals, Inc. expressed joy that the prestigious ACS put its name behind the fatso virus research. ” We were truly running out of inventive and novel diseases, aches, and pains, to relieve, certainly not CURE!” said Grossman. ” The latest ‘disease’ we invented, ‘ painful eyebrows’ never took hold, despite a huge TV ad campaign.”
The first company to market a pill to kill the fatso virus is Pfizer. Their TV spot is already appearing: The usual before-shot of an obese 400 pound woman, and the after-shot of a slim, beautiful 125 pound girl in a Bikini.
She is seated at a dinner table with a huge platter of ham with gravy, mashed potatoes, a 2-liter Coke, and several jelly doughnuts..She turns toward the camera with a smile, ” My obesity was caused by a virus! I can now eat anything I want as usual. Pfizer’s ‘Virozap GL’ stops the nasty virus that was making me fat!”
What’s next? How about, ” Are you suffering from ‘deodorant odor’? take…….”