Officials Unable to Explain San Bruno Explosion


Officials with the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) expressed bewilderment today as to why an old, leaking, corroded natural gas pipeline exploded in San Bruno California this past week killing at least six people.

“I don’t have a fricking clue”, said NTSB vice chairman Christopher Hart. “Back in those days, when that pipe was made, they made things to last! Not like the piece of shit pipes they make today!”

The pipe which exploded was built in 1948 when Harry Truman was President and was supposedly built to last for at least 150,000 years, according to Hart.

“There is a slim possibility the pipe corroded”, said Pacific Gas & Electric (PG&E) President Christopher Jones. “From now on we’ll check these old pipes to see if anything bad is happening to them”.

Jones also hinted that this may be the work of terrorists. “It wouldn’t surprise me if one of them towel-headed terrorist guys is behind this”, Jones stated.

Jones dismissed speculation that this may be the result of PG&E incompetence.

“We all get seven figure salaries”, Jones boasted. “There’s no way we could be incompetent when we get paid that kind of money”.