Ohio Versus Jesse Jackson: The Election Down for the (re) Count?

Just as America and the rest of the planet has begun getting comfortable with the idea of a gradual slide into Armageddon, the Ohio election results may be the subject of an official recount. If allegations of voter fraud, disenfranchisement and good old fashioned ballot stuffing can whittle away President George W. Bush’s 136,000 vote lead then Democratic challenger John Kerry will become the next President of the United States.

The challenge to the Ohio vote began slowly when candidates from two minor Parties, The Greens and oh, I don’t know, the Plaids…it doesn’t really matter…called for a recount directly after the November Elections. Citing the fact that both of those candidates were pitifully ridiculous losers whose vote totals wouldn’t affect the outcome of a vote for Dog Catcher, the Ohio Secretary of State, Republican Ken Blackwell refused to comply with the request. However, the Reverend Jesse Jackson has recently gotten involved, adding his voice to the recount demand as well as calling for a Federal Probe into how the vote count in Ohio was handled in the first place.

Mr. Blackwell, who was the Ohio Co-Chairman of Mr. Bush’s Presidential Campaign, has dismissed the Rev. Jackson’s request. Citing the fact that Rev. Jackson is “just another sour grapes, colored philanderer” a spokesman for Mr. Blackwell explained, ” You’ve got to understand that Jackson either doesn’t understand or has a complete disregard for the Ohio election process. Here’s how it works…the vote is taken, then if it doesn’t go our guys way then we add a little here, subtract a little there and voila’! we have four more years of Fundamentalist Christian Rule.”

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” As George W. Bush said in regard to the Ukraine, “when there are a lot of allegations of vote fraud then the validity of the elections are in doubt”. Of course, that really only applies to some shitty little Eastern European country, not a great Religious Mecca like the United States. As far as the White House is concerned, God voted and anointed George W. Bush. That fact that God voted early and often in no way changes anything. If Yushchenko had God and Karl Rove on his team, none of this would ever have been a problem.