Osama bin Laden Questions Report Of George W. Bush's Death

Saudi Terror Leader Osama bin Laden has questioned French Intelligence services reports that United States President George W. Bush died of a tick bite at his Crawford, Texas ranch on August 23. However, despite repeated denials from the White House and several public appearances and a prime time address by Mr. Bush, the French are standing by their assertion. What makes the French so sure?

According to Unnamed French Intelligence Source Pierre (Grassouillet) Eaumaison, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Mon Dieu! Nothing could be simpler. When was the last time the French believed anything the White House said? To our thinking, the very fact that they say something is proof that it’s a lie. Of course George W. Bush would say he isn’t dead, who wouldn’t? But mon ami, we have the tick with Monsieur Bush’s DNA!”

It is uncertain how bin Laden will respond to the evidence of the ‘smoking tick’; it has been postulated that the very fact that George W. Bush was President of the United States, or the Great Satan as Mr. bin Laden endearingly calls him, has been instrumental in the rise of al Qaeda’s popularity throughout the world. Without such a potent enemy, however inept, the fear is party support and fund raising efforts will falter.

After five years of hiding, refusing to interact with none but his most loyal followers has left Mr. bin Laden seriously out of touch with his constituents. During his tenure as Terrorist in Chief, bin Laden has shown himself to be a one themed leader with his emphasis on the War Of Terror the only thing he can point to that would validate his term in office. In the regions he controls, health care is practically non-existent, jobs are scarce, and the economy is quite frankly in tatters. Consumer confidence is low, and the housing market is weak; even the dearth of affordable housing due repeated missile and suicide attacks has failed to jump start the faltering construction industry. There have been rumblings from within his own party that Mr. bin Laden would be better served by attending less fund raisers and spending more time addressing the issues that affect their lives.