Unconfirmed sources report that terrorist Osama Bin Ladin will be campaigning with John Kerry in several keys states in the final day before elections. Osama, a strong anti-Bush campaigner should help Kerry win votes among undecided voters and radical Arabs.
Osama Bin Ladin will be appearing with John Kerry at rallies in Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania and Florida. The pair will then end their barnstorming campaign tour in Boston to watch the election results come in on Tuesday. Osama’s presence on the ticket should really help Kerry’s chances in Michigan, which has a large Arab population in the south of the state.
“This just goes to shows how desperate the Kerry campaign has become.” Said White House spokesmen Ben Lion. “John Kerry will do or say anything to get a vote. We are shocked that he would campaign with Bin Ladin and we plan to hunt down and kill the pair of them after the election is over, no matter who wins this thing.”
“John Kerry is a uniter.” Says campaign staffer Kent Bixly. “The Arabs of the world need to see that we are serious about bringing peace to the world. Reconciling with Osama Bin Ladin is one way to prove that we are willing to make the hard choices needed to make peace. Sure, Osama has done some bad things in the past, but John Kerry is a deeply religious man and believes we should turn the other cheek. Osama is just a man who has strong beliefs, and like John Kerry he believes strongly that George W. Bush is a lunatic that needs to be booted out of office. We believe that our enemy’s enemies, are our friends. So, Osama is a friend.”
“This is going to give the Kerry team a real boost in the final day of the election. ” Said George Stephenapolis. “The democrats are pulling out all the stops and really firing up the star power to bring the election home. Osama Bin Ladin, Bruce Springsteen, Bill Clinton, the list goes on and on. With the addition of Osama to capture the crazy Arab vote, I think Kerry might be able to pull off a victory.”
“It is a very shrew move by the Kerry campaign. They are going to get tons of free publicity by bringing Bin Ladin onboard.” Explained Brooke Gladstone of NPR’s On the Media. “The popular media will not be able to keep their hands off a story like this, they will be talking about it all day today and tomorrow on election-day. That kind of exposure, even negative exposure, will be good for John Kerry.”
Will this late move be enough to put Kerry over the top? If daring counts for anything Kerry will be in pretty good shape moving into the post election battle for the presidency.