COLORADO SPRINGS, CO (Rotters Life!) – The day after renowned evangelical pastor Ted Haggard was forced to resign his position with the 14,000 member New life Church in Colorado Springs, it was announced that he would be signing on board with Australian underwear maker AussieBum to help promote their recently launched “Wonderjock”. AussieBum claims to have already sold over 50,000 pairs of the “Wonderjock” from its online website, and states that orders have doubled since the announcement in regards to Haggard.
Wonderjock designer Sean Ashby stated that the new underwear was created as a result of customer feedback, with many men wanting to look “bigger”. Ashby insisted that this is accomplished without the use of “padding, rings, or strings”.
“Just as in women utilizing the “Wonderbra” to look bigger”, stated Ashby, “the design of this new underwear, the Wonderjock, is such that it uplifts and separates to accomplish the same thing… hearing about the plight of Reverend Haggard, we felt that he would be the perfect spokesperson for this whole concept of uplifting and separating.”
A spokesperson for Aussiebum stated that the rollout for the new advertising campaign would likely be delayed for approximately 3 weeks on rumors that Haggard would be checking into a Christian detox facility to address a crystal meth addiction. Rumors also surfaced that Haggard would probably be checking into the same facility that disgraced Florida Congressman Mark Foley will soon be discharged from, and that Foley, now clean, had agreed serve as a sponsor for Haggard. Aussiebum refused to comment upon whether a deal was in the works to have Haggard and Foley team up for a series of future ads.