Alaska Governor Sarah Palin insisted today that global warming is actually being caused by polar bears warming the ice and insisted the animals be shot on site and turned into rugs and coats.
“Those bears get very hot because they are all covered in fat and fur”, she told the news media at a morning press conference. “This causes the ice to melt, temperatures to rise and is causing all the problems we see today”.
Palin stated that with proper hunting and killing the animals could be brought under control and the global warming problem would vanish.
Alaska has been the state hit hardest by global warming with average temperatures rising over 4 degrees in the past 50 years. Palin attributes this to our ignorance of the bears role in the phenomenon. She claimed that if there were no polar bears the Earth’s temperature would return to 1950’s levels.
“I hate all these scientists who think they know everything and blame human beings for the problem”, the Evangelical Christian governor continued. “I get my knowledge from Jesus because he knows more than they do. Not only that but polar bears eat people!”
*Palin also insists the world is only 10,000 years old, evolution is a myth and Jesus will soon be here to punish disbelievers.
“Don’t blame me when you all wind up burning in the fires of hell for eternity”, she said with a smile.
*This paragraph is true.