Los Angeles — Stunning observers in the court room, Paris Hilton said that she is the one responsible for rigging several online polls in favor of Presidential candidate, Congressman Ron Paul.
“I am the Ron Paul supporter who voted several thousand times in favor of him after the Republican debate,” said Paris Hilton.
Hilton said that she did because she is very upset with the political system since being sentenced to jail. She also confessed to running every single pro Ron Paul internet site.
“Lew Rockwell is a fake person. It just one of my pseudonyms to create the illusion of a libertarian movement in the country. All of those articles and commentaries are all written by me,” admitted an embattled Paris Hilton.
She also confessed to rigging all of the polls that show Americans disapprove of the war in Iraq.
“I single handedly rigged all of the polls about the war in Iraq and the Bush approval ones, too,” said Hilton. “The most difficult thing for me was pulling off the prosecution of Scooter Libby.”
Using an elaborate system of several cell phones and a nation-wide computer network, she was able to vote several thousand times in online polls. All of the other offline polls about the war in Iraq and how well Bush is doing were faked by Paris Hilton, who admitted that she owns all of the polling companies.
Republican Party strategist, Faye Kerr, said that this is something that everybody has already suspected.
“We aren’t surprised to learn of this at all. Everybody knew it was only one person orchestrating opposition to the President’s policies,” Kerr said. She continued, “Now that Paris Hilton will be in jail, we can expect to see Bush’s poll numbers rise sharply, while Ron Paul’s will drop dramatically.”
Paris Hilton said she is afraid the country is moving in the wrong direction, and so she wanted to help do something to stop this by creating the appearance that not all Americans are sycophants. Every single commentary and article that has ever been written that is critical of Bush in the slightest way was actually written by Paris Hilton. Everybody else in America loves their dear President George W. Bush very much.
“I was only hoping to motivate people into doing something about this metastasizing and corrupt government. Also, I have felt kind of guilty about the media using me to distract people from what is really happening,” said Paris Hilton in her closing remarks.