Los Angeles, CA (APE) – Television celebrity and multimillionaire Paris Hilton was today released from county jail, after having served five days of an original 45 day sentence. Correctional authorities remained closed lipped in regards to the circumstances for Hilton’s early release but stated that she would now serve the remainder of her sentence under house arrest wearing an ankle bracelet at her own mansion. Federal corrections authorities in the nation’s capital, citing a similar deterioration in the mental functioning of former vice presidential aide Scooter Libby since his sentencing earlier this week for perjury, stated that he will receive a matching ankle bracelet and have his sentence reduced to the same 45 day term allowing credit for time served. Libby will be flown cross-country tonight to began serving his sentence at Ms. Hilton’s residence.
Hilton had begun serving a sentence for a previous drunk driving conviction which many viewed as excessively punitive and linked to her celebrity status. In a like fashion, the Justice Department and the White House were swamped earlier this week with pleas for leniency on behalf of Mr. Libby, insisting that no crime had been committed.
Libby was given a vice presidential pardon early this morning contingent upon his completing the 45 days of home arrest with Ms. Hilton. A spokesperson for the vice president insisted that Mr. Cheney’s actions were entirely aboveboard and consistent with his executive powers while the president is out of the country in attendance at the G-8 summit in Germany.
Lawyers for both Mr. Libby and Ms. Hilton offered praise for the deal which they had brokered for their clients. “While the convictions remain unwarranted and unfair in both cases, this is the first civil gesture from authorities, and it is indeed welcomed,” a spokesperson read from a prepared statement. “No one was harmed in either instance, so what is the reasoning behind the excessive punishment.”
A spokesperson for Mr. Libby stated that he was looking forward to utilizing the time to collaborate with Ms. Hilton on a new fictional book exploring their collective experiences.