Paris Hilton's Jail Survival Guide…the celebutante's guide to having a good time while you're …

(New York-NY) I’m not going to fabricate a phony news story about Linwood Prisoner 9818783, Paris Hilton, or as I’d like to call her…mine, at least for an internet sex-capade. Trust me, at my age it would be a very short sex-capade, followed by a funereal, which I’d like Paris to attend, dressed of course as Jackie Kennedy at JFK’s funereal. Hey, a guy can dream can’t he?

But I’m a realist, and unless I somehow fall into Hugh Hefner’s kind of dough that ain’t happening. Even then, Paris isn’t into the geezer hook-up, unless you’re a cool geezer. Still leaves me out, because performance wise if it did happen my memoir on the subject would be “A Fistful of Viagra”. Wait…I’m going off topic. Paris will do that do.

Okay, I’ve made my share of Paris jokes. You have to admit though 9818783 does have a certain