PBS Funding Doubled, Fox News Awarded Contract

Unconfirmed sources report the Republican controlled US House of Representatives will vote to double PBS funding. House leaders, working with White house guidance worked into the night to crafted the compromise legislation. The final terms of the deal have yet to be settled but staffers close to the negotiation confirmed that under the deal The Fox News group would assume control of the Public Broadcasting System for a term of no fewer than 15 years.

CPB chairman Mike Tomlinson hailed the deal as a new beginning for the embattled broadcasting system. “With the Fox news staff controlling PBS the viewing public will no longer be subjected to the discord of differing opinions.” Republican lawmakers have long sought to reign in the lack of bias on the broadcasting service, now they have succeeded.

The length of the Fox contract was set to extend past any reasonable estimate of the life span of Bill Moyers. Sean Hanity a leading Fox provocateur commented “It’s about time we got Moyers kicked off the air, his defense of non partisan journalism was shameless.”

In Washington D.C. Lobbyist Jack Abramoff was excited that right wing media bias will be restored at PBS “I’m thankful that we will have one more news source that will ignore the ethically challenged behavior of the Bush administration and it’s cronies like me.

But not everyone is happy with the new Fox contract. Democratic attack dog Governor Howard Dean complained “This is a blatant attempt to silence opposing view points, and I’m sure Karl Rove must be involved somehow?” Apart from Governor Dean and Bill Moyers, others are saddened by the changes at PBS. As a condition of the funding restoration House leaders demanded That Tucker Carlson be fired immediately and replaced by the popular Sesame Street personality Elmo.