WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, the Pentagon released the long-awaited video footage from one of its web cameras proving Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld to be a streaker. The video footage, which was obtained by Unconfirmed Sources after a lengthy legal battle, shows the Secretary of Defense streaking across the Pentagon lawn.
Many media observers have expressed shock, as they were expecting the video footage to exonerate the embattled Secretary Rumsfeld from allegations over his streaking problem. Now that video footage proves the Secretary has a streaking problem, many more people are calling for his resignation.
“The Secretary of Defense ought to resign immediately. Anybody with this sort of problem is subject to blackmail,” said one Pentagon official, speaking on condition of anonymity.
The Pentagon’s top public relations official issued a statement, saying that the matter will be investigated and if any wrongdoing on the part of the Secretary is proven, punitive action will be taken.
“Right now these allegations are under investigation, so I am not at liberty to discuss this matter any further. Legal action will be taken if it is discovered there were any illegal improprieties on the part of any individual,” said Pentagon Public Relations Officer Cimi Naye Kidd.
The blogging world is abuzz with rumors that Secretary Rumsfeld intends to seek medical treatment for his streaking addiction. Some people are saying that this video evidence of the Secretary’s behavior should “shut up” the pundits at FOX News forever.