PETA protests Large Hadron Collider on behalf of Hadrons

A suit filed in District Court in Hawaii demands that the U.S. halt construction of the Large Hadron Collider (L.H.C.), the $8-billion accelerator on the Franco-Swiss border, on the grounds that it will cause the destruction of Hadrons. According to the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) the Ring-tailed Hadron is a protected species and should not be used for scientific exploration.

Scientists believe the L.H.C. could reveal the nature of matter and confirm physicists’ best guesses about the validity of string theory. These would be advances comparable to Einstein’s or Newton’s. But this research is not with a cost. According to the scientists operating the Large Hadron Collider the device will have a nearly insatiable appetite for Hadrons. Over the estimated life of the collider an estimated 25,000 Hadrons will be consumed.

Ingrid Newkirk, speaking on behalf of the group she founded, explained the cost in Ring-tailed Hadrons is not worth the possible scientific advancements. “Peta researchers believe the operation of the Large Hadron Collider will lead to the complete extinction of the Ring-tailed Hadron.”

Newkirk admitted that she doesn’t understand why the Large Collider was designed to use the Ring-tailed Hadron. “The thought of those cute fuzzy Hadrons being accelerated to near light speed only to be impacted. It is just heart breaking.”