Police Release Composite Sketches of Suspects in Randi Rhodes Assault

New York, NY (UPSI) – New York Police Department detectives have released composite drawings of two unknown white male suspects wanted in the assault last night on Air America talkshow host Randi Rhodes. The suspects are described as both being in their 50s, one tall, the other shorter and markedly obese. Police are said to be ruling out robbery as a motive and looking into the possibility of charges for a hate crime.

“Ms. Rhodes is doing well and resting comfortably, and we are fortunate that she was able to provide such a detailed account,” stated a police spokesperson. “Clearly there was an extreme degree of violence and invective directed toward Miss Rhodes, and there may have been others involved, participating under direction from the two suspects.”

Rhodes was initially felt to be the victim of a mugging, but rumors of a politically motivated attack because of her left-leaning talk show appeared to be gaining credibility.

Right-wing talk show host Rush Limbaugh expressed his sympathy to Rhodes, but scoffed at the idea that she was a victim of right-wing hatred. “New York is a tough town, and it’s a liberal town. It’s full of drugs and other perversions that you would expect from years of Democrat influence. She was probably beaten up by someone looking for OxyContin.”

Likewise, right-wing personality Bill O’Reilly went further, saying that Rhodes was largely responsible for her own assault, and “probably, in many ways enjoyed the attack.” “I have cautioned the left for years,” stated O’Reilly, “and maybe now they’ll be able to see just how mad they’ve made some people. I hope she gets better really soon, but there’s nothing out of the ordinary here, just the usual suspects.”