16 year pop Canadian singing sensation Justin Bieber announced today that he plans on making a ‘comeback’ world tour in 2035 when he is 41 years old.
“I know my good fortune and youth won’t last forever”, the youthful singer told Unconfirmed Sources. “My mom (Pattie Lynn Malette) is planning to pose nude for Playboy and this will probably screw me up emotionally. Can you imagine your mom posing naked in some magazine while guys jerk off to her?”
In addition to his mom posing nude, Bieber is faced with unscrupulous managers, disease-riddled groupies, drug using celebrity rock stars and a host of other negative cultural influences. Bieber says he will most likely burn out in his early 20s and he will become addicted to alcohol and drugs.
“After coming out of rehab I’ll probably wind working at WalMart or something”, Bieber continued. “But you just watch when I come back!”
Bieber’s mother Patty Lynn supports her sons comeback tour. “I’m hoarding as much of his money as I can right now”, she stated. “I want to make sure I can get through the tough times when I can’t market my kid anymore”.
Bieber’s manager Scooter Braun says he already has booked concerts in New York, Boston, Los Angeles, Munich, London, Tokyo and Amsterdam. “I may cancel the one in Amsterdam”, Braun stated. “Justin won’t need any negative reinforcement of his past drug abuse”.
Raun claims he is also saving as much of Bieber’s money as he can to get him through the lean times.