(Vatican City, Vatican) Former Hitler Youth member Joseph Ratzinger, now better known as Pope Benedict XVI, proudly disclosed to the news media that he achieved his first orgasm last night after a late night swim with 26-year-old US Sister Mary McConnell.
“The sister and I went for a swim last night”, the 82-year-old Pontiff unabashedly told the media. “She was dressed in a sexy one piece outfit and this stimulated me. I had trouble concealing my massive erection beneath my soaking wet ecclesiastical robes. After I returned to my room I had an overwhelming orgasm”.
This is the first time in history a reigning pope has admitted to even achieving an erection, much less achieving orgasm. However, early Popes such as St. Peter the Apostle right up to Pope Felix in the 15th century were married and had children thus implying that they achieve erections and orgasms.
The Pontiff claimed he was going to change the rules regarding celibacy for priests now that he knows “how wonderful and exciting” it is.
“I’m going to ask Sister Mary McConnell to my room this weekend”, the right eyed Pope stated with a mischievous grin.
The Pontiff encouraged all married men and women to have as much sex as they can and to “enjoy the wonderful fruits of orgasm”. He reserved comment on unwed men and women until a later date.
“But if you’re not married, please, I beseech you, get yourself off”, the Pontiff pleaded.
Sister McConnell said she would have dinner with the Pope but said she prefers girls.