Pope Benedict XVI Refuses to Resign Citing 'I Love This Job'

Embattled Pope Benedict XVI announced today that he has no intention of resigning from office in the wake of clergy sexual abuse accusations because “the money is just too good!”

“I love being Pope”, the former Hitler youth declared from his office in the Vatican. “Just look at this place! There’s gold everywhere, I get carted around in a limo, people line up to kiss my feet. I mean