WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush recently concluded a ceremony awarding the Presidential Medal of Freedom to James Frey.
Bestowing accolades upon James Frey, the President said, “James Frey lied. James Frey embellished some things. Bottom line: James Frey helped deflect attention away from me.”
Karl Rove said that the entire James Frey saga is empirical proof that Americans are suffering a “severe cognitive deficiency.”
“The fact that the media and Americans have been asking him [Frey] the tough questions about his lies over nothing, yet not asking the President those same tough questions over stuff much more serious, shows just how easy it is to manipulate these stupid people,” said one official, speaking on condition of anonymity.
“James Frey single-handedly helped my administration conduct its business for several days by absorbing the wrath of the American public,” said President Bush.
Another government official, also speaking on condition of anonymity, said, “Yeah. He [Frey] certainly did function as a sort of a decoy.”
Karl Rove said the only thing that surprised him was how such an insignificant scandal could work so well at distracting everybody.
“I guess we can change some of our plans that we had to contract with some prominent celebrities to get involved in scandals as part of our prelation by populace engrossment campaign,” said Karl Rove.
“We had contracts with celebrities to carry out murders and stuff as part of our efforts to distract the American people with celebrity scandals. Maybe we can try smaller things instead, such as writing satire and mislabeling it as the real news,” Rove went on to say.
James Frey said he felt flattered and honored to be the recipient of such a prestigious award, but he also said that for all he has endured in place of the President it is probably well deserved.
“This has been such a difficult ordeal. I mean, it could have been the President being asked some real questions instead of me. God forbid if the President had to experience a non-scripted press conference. I wasn’t dealing with Jeff Gannons and James Guckerts, you know,” said Frey.