President Bush Replaces Michael Chertoff with Harold Hurtt

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After hearing Houston Police Chief Harold Hurtt’s remarks in one of the Police Chief’s recent press conferences, President George W. Bush gave praise to Chief Hurtt.

“He wants cameras in people’s homes. That is my kind of man,” said President Bush. “This man is going to be my new Homeland Security czar.”

“Houston’s police chief on Wednesday proposed placing surveillance cameras in apartment complexes, downtown streets, shopping malls and even private homes to fight crime during a shortage of police officers,” reported the Associated Press. See also here: Police chief wants surveillance cameras in Houston apartments.

“I know a lot of people are concerned about Big Brother, but my response to that is, if you are not doing anything wrong, why should you worry about it?” said Chief Hurtt.

When Chief Hurtt was asked by one reporter why people who aren’t doing anything wrong should be surveilled, he responded: “Only al Qaeda sympathizers and terrorists would protest such a policy. Are you with bin Laden?”

Video clips of Chief Hurtt’s press conference can be seen here: HPD chief proposes cameras to combat crime.

“It was that response to the reporter’s question that really got the President’s attention,” explained White House aide Emma Faker.

And so, early this morning, the President announced his intention to replace Michael Chertoff with Harold Hurtt.

“I did my best to assume more police state powers for the executive, but Harold Hurtt’s proposal certainly outdoes anything I’ve been willing to do so far,” said Michael Chertoff.

Critics of the President are concerned that a cameras-in-homes proposal, coupled with the President staking out new, dictatorial territory with his warrantless spying program, is a formula that makes Orwell’s 1984 pale in comparison.

“Not only would they be placing cameras in people’s homes, but they would be doing it without even the pretense of trying to stop crime,” said one civil liberties attorney, speaking on condition of anonymity so that the Bush thought police can’t find him.

“A police state? Well, that is the whole point,” said a gleeful President Bush.

“What we are really after next is trying to recruit some barristers who are willing to candidly express their disdain for habeas corpus. You see, it is hard to condition the public to accept tyranny if we are not willing to inundate them with the propaganda,” said top White House aide Karl Rove.

“How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time,” said George Orwell in his book, 1984.

Now that Harold Hurtt will be running the Department of Homeland Security, will Orwell’s hellish vision be coming to your city any time soon? Only time will tell.