Kennebunkport, MN (APE) – President Bush was rushed via Marine One back to Bethesda Naval Hospital for emergent treatment of what doctors suspect was an exacerbation of chronic problems with lime. The president had flown earlier in the day to his parent’s compound in Kennebunkport, for an extended visit and vacation with France’s newly elected president Nicolas Sarcozy. Mr Bush apparently collapsed after losing an impromptu foot race with the French president, and after taking a few sips of a beverage for re hydration, according to the White House. This incident occurs after the president was given a clean bill of health by physicians following extensive examinations this week.
The White House stated earlier today that 5 non-cancerous polyps were removed from Mr. Bush’s colon this past weekend, and that his personal physician had admitted that the president had been treated successfully earlier this year for a previous problem with lime. The president had fallen ill at the G-8 summit, missing but a morning of talks thanks to his doctor’s interventions.
“Naturally, some degree of dehydration might have had a hand, today,” stated Dr. Richard Tubb, personal physician to the president, “but the real culprit appears to have been the lime. The president was hot, and thirsty after the run and simply didn’t realized that the lime was in his beverage. Lime can lead to all sorts of complications from nausea and vomiting all the way to asphyxiation and allergic reactions in sensitive individuals. The president was also taking medications that might have interacted adversely with the beverage itself.”
Upon further questioning from reporters, Dr. Tubb admitted that a complete psychiatric evaluation had not been a part of the routine physical workup the president had received over the last few days.
A White House spokesperson stated that the president was resting comfortably and that presidential power had been turned over to Vice President Cheney until further notice. A spokesperson for the Vice President, currently in an undisclosed location, stated that Mr. Cheney was not worried in the slightest over the president’s state of mind and had in fact rushed staffers to his bedside to consult and pursue authorization for important defense issues.