President Bush to divert veterans funding to 'Scholarships for Taliban' program

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In case U.S. military veterans have been wondering why obtaining VA benefits is like trying to win the lottery, they now have answers. Yesterday, President George W. Bush announced his plan to start the “Scholarships for Taliban” program, which will be funded with money diverted from Department of Veterans’ Affairs programs.

President Bush said the inspiration for the program came from reading about his soon-to-be fellow Yale alumnus, former Taliban official Sayed Rahmatullah Hashemi.
See: Get Hashemi out of Yale and Former Taliban Spokesman Now Attends Yale

“Seeing these former Taliban guys becoming Ivy Leaguers makes me so proud,” said President Bush. “Making the decision to help more of them become Ivy Leaguers isn’t really an unprecedented move. How do you think Sayed Rahmatullah Hashemi got into Yale? The U.S. government paid his way for him.” President Bush also said, “Hey, the bin Ladens are all Ivy Leaguers, too.”

President Bush felt so good about the idea of helping the Taliban go Ivy League that he has decided to divert funding from veterans programs to the “Scholarships for Taliban” program.

“In the long run, this could help veterans, since Ivy League graduates get to run government bureaucracies. The Taliban could end up running the Department of Veterans’ Affairs, continuing that great help and care we don’t give veterans now,” said President Bush.

President Bush says he expects taxpayers to pay upwards from $100 billion on the program to help the Taliban go Ivy League.