WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move by the White House, President George W. Bush has promised to impose a new rule on Republican Party lobbyists. White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said that this move should ensure that others like Jack Abramoff won’t get into trouble anymore.
Citing the fact that Jack Abramoff didn’t depart from the decorum in Washington, but made a mistake by cheating bigger lobbyists – i.e., Indian tribes with casinos – the President said his new rule will go a long way towards ensuring Republican lobbyists don’t disgrace themselves.
“The new lobbying rule to be imposed on the Republican Party, effective immediately, is that lobbyists shall not cheat other lobbyists with their own money,” said President Bush. “It just isn’t a wise idea.”
Republican Party strategist Emma Crooke said this is a great new rule.
“Thank God for the President’s new rule. I don’t think us Republicans ever could have figured this out without the President explaining this to us,” said Crooke. She also added, “I just now figured out why Abramoff got into trouble. It wasn’t for the buying of politicians, but because the Indian tribes he cheated were the ones with the money, and they are bigger contributors than Abramoff ever was!”