President explains petroleum substitute plan


Washington>
During his State of the Union Speech, President Bush gave details of his alternate fuel proposal.

“Corn is the answer”, said the president. “We make ethanol from the corn.Ethanol replaces petroleum….it’s that simple!”

Kahili Mansour, Saudi Arabia’s Ministry of Energy, said that this would undoubtedly cause a severe economic crises among oil-producing nations. ” we are already making contingency plans to sell our oil to MacDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and other international franchises, but we’ll still have a lot left over.”

Raymond Francini, a spokenman for Exxon, upon hearing of the President’s plan, called a press conference. He told the attending journalists, ” The country uses 472 million gallons of gasoline a day. To replace this with ethanol, Virtually the entire United States would have to be converted to one huge cornfield and the few empty spots would contain refineries, Can’t work!”

Felix West, a spokesman for the U.S. Department of Energy (DOE) endorsed the President’s proposal. ” Sure we’ll need a lot of space to plant corn, and lots of people will have to be displaced.

We are considering mass migrations of Americans to what will be the bankrupt nations of the Middle East. Lots of empty space, and our American know-how will turn the deserts to oasises!”

Wall Street Sources who wish to remain anonymous, say that the Bush and Cheney families are quietly disposing of their petroleum holdings and buying stock in Del Monte.