President George W. Bush creates policy to dishonorably discharge everybody against him

WASHINGTON, D.C. — On Monday afternoon, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and President George W. Bush announced a new policy by the Department of Defense to administer dishonorable discharges to everybody who doesn’t worship President Bush. The punitive actions taken against former Marine Adam Kokesh gives legal precedence to such action.

“The case against Adam Kokesh shows that I have the power to dishonorably discharge people who have never even been in the military,” said President Bush. “If I can take away an honorable discharge to somebody for engaging in speech as a civilian, why can’t I just do that to everybody?”

Adam Kokesh was honorably discharged from the Marine Corps, but was retroactively administered an Other-Than-Honorable discharge for engaging in peaceful, political speech while no longer even subject to the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Legal scholars now admit that this case, coupled with the Military Commissions Act of 2006, establishes a precedent for court-martialing non-military civilians.

“We clearly have the authority to give dishonorable discharges to anybody we want to,” declared Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. “We might as well use this power to help wage the Global War on Terror, by dishonorably discharging all peace activists.”