President Speaks to Air Force in Tucson

Tucson, AZ (UPSI) – President Bush yesterday addressed a hand picked cadre of crack airmen at a small, undisclosed hangar on Davis-Monthan Air force base in Tucson Arizona. Topics included the issue of border security, and his controversial proposals for what amounts to amnesty for illegal immigrants. He also used the occasion to announce one of the largest retraining and reassignment projects in US military history.

“We have a solemn duty”, stated Bush, “to continue the war on terror in Iraq and honor those that have fallen before us. As we struggle to keep boots on the ground, some of our fine young men and women have repeated multiple tours of duty without complaint. To support them, and continue the fight, our boots in the air and behind the desks are going to become boots on the ground.”

Bush went on to elaborate about the Pentagon’s plans to begin massive retraining and reassignment of clerical and other support services throughout the military. The goal will be to maintain current forces in Iraq and allow for well-earned rotations stateside for regular military and national guardsmen and women, some of whom have been in Iraq approaching two years now. Military spokesman stressed that this is in no way a sign of weakness or diminished recruitment. They stated also that while this would be a big undertaking, the existing “Army behind the Army” is already in place and well up to the task.

White House spokesperson Scott McClellan stated, “We believe that this change in tactics will be sending the right message to America that the president has heard the concerns of the people and pleas for returning our troops home. This sends the message that indeed great progress is being made in Iraq and we are entering the “mopping up” or “cleaning up” phase, if you will. Our troops will be home just as soon as Iraq is able to clean house for itself.”

President Bush concluded, “For those who would criticize this move, I say to you now that I will stand for no disrespect towards our proud, fighting clerical and support troops. They understand more than anyone what is at stake and are eager and honored to perform their new duties. For the few out there among them who may disagree, and might feel that this is not the duty that they signed up for, I would remind them simply of this… this is MY stapler.”