Unconfirmed sources report that Presidential speech writer Michael Gerson has been fired by the President because he fell asleep in the middle of Bush’s latest Iraq speech. The unlucky and sleepy writer was caught by a savvy CNN camera man who snapped incriminating pictures of the hapless Gerson. Gerson is very upset over his firing and has been speaking very candidly with reporters about the events leading up to his dismissal.
“I just couldn’t stay awake.” Admitted Gerson. “I’ve written so much of this stuff I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I mean this stuff is so stale it makes my head hurt. I’ve been writing Iraq speeches for three years now and they are all the same every single one of them. It’s amazing to me anybody even bothers to show up to these things they are so boring. Now it’s been nice talking to you, but I’m going to bed. Wake me when this war is over.”
“This is a sad loss for the Presidents’ staff.” Says Washington insider Grant Tisdale. “Gerson is a great speech writer. He has preformed miracles with the President’s speeches on Iraq. He has been able to take two sound bites and turn them in to no less than 20 ‘important’ speeches on Iraq. His quiet work has been a real inspiration to anybody who has had to make something out on nothing over and over again.”
Friends close to Gerson indicate that he has already received very promising offers to work in private sector. One such position would be with a Canadian firm that sells snow to Eskimos.