London, England (APE) – Prince Charles of England this weekend inspected and awarded medals to a unit of helicopter crews returning from duty in Iraq. After the presentation he took time to comment to reporters in attendance as to the recent story of sexual improprieties surrounding Louisiana senator David Vitter and the role of sexual scandal in US politics.
“Well, you have a real situation there where the press has gotten its knickers in a wad, now, don’t you?” stated the Crown Prince. “The poor chap (Senator Vitter) clearly has a lot to learn about living in a fishbowl. It’s hard to fathom the Yanks’ obsession with all things tawdry and sexual. We have women’s privates all over the front pages here, and you never see this huge outcry. If you’re not careful, these things can get out of control awfully fast and really interfere with important things. Christ, it’s no wonder Iraq is so bolloxed. “
“My advice to Mr. Vitter is to apologize, just as he’s done, and try to keep things zipped up for a few years,” offered Charles. “It’s been my experience that as the kids grow older and time passes, these things sort of work themselves out on their own. If you love someone, set them free… and that sort of thing. The misses appears to be strong woman, and persistent… a tiger… or a leopard… and I find that attractive.”