Kennebunkport, ME — Russian President Vladimir Putin arrived at the family home of U.S. President George W. Bush in New England for talks aimed at renewing a personal rapport.
Bush and Putin have had their differences recently, primarily Putin’s objection to Bush’s attempt to assume the role of leader of the world.
Shortly after arrival, Bush took Putin on a fishing trip in the calm coastal waters off Walker’s Point. Homeland Security officers had Putin remove his shoes, and the contents of his pockets, and checked him with a metal detector, before boarding. ” Just routine, Vlad!” joshed Bush.
Several Air Force helicopters and jet fighters flew overhead, and two destroyers bracketed the cabin cruiser as it dropped anchor in a quiet cove. SCUBA divers descended to place fish and lobsters on the unbaited hooks as video cameras took it all in. A nuclear submarine splashed briefly to the surface nearby, the red star on its side, unnoticed.
Upon returning to the Bush estate, Putin was introduced to Barbara Bush and former President Bush.
” Be nice to my son,” quipped Barbara, “Karl [Rove] and Dick [Cheney] aren’t here, so he may not know what to say!”
The former President chimed in, ” It was real exciting when I was president and we had nukes aimed at each others cities!”
Putin, who couldn’t understand a word of what was said, as his interpreter and the Secret Service men were outside swigging vodka and cleaning fish; smiled and nodded.
Dinner that night was a careful blend of ethnicity…caviar, borscht with sour cream, barbecued spare ribs, Maine lobster and Texas baked possum road kill, au jus. Toasts were exchanged, alternating Jack Daniels and Luksusowa vodka.
Following dinner, a formal, serious discussion was held in an effort to return to the friendly relations that previously existed between the two heads of state. Unfortunately the State Department, in error, sent a Russian-to-Swahili translator, and Putin’s Russian-to-English translator, and the Secret Service men, mellow on vodka, were engaged in a fish throwing contest on the front lawn.
Although not a word was understood, the discussion was broad.
Barbara asked Putin if he had problems with undocumented Mexicans crossing into his country. Putin nodded a yes. Putin asked what that strange meat was that was served at dinner, and why it seemed to have, what looked like a tire tread pattern. President Bush replied that yes, he was definitely against abortion and gay marriage, and poppa Bush said, “Watch my lips! No more rubles will be borrowed by my son from Russia.” After a photo op of hugging and smiling, the group retired.
The next day, Putin returned to Moscow, the Russian sub returned to Vladivostok The President returned to Crawford, Texas for his bi-monthly vacation, the senior Bushes flew back to wherever they came from, the paparazzi sent their photos to National Enquirer, The populace of Kennebunkport retired from the Bush estate, leaving their ‘IMPEACH BUSH’ signs littering the lawn. The helicopters and jet fighters returned to Pease Air Force Base, The hundreds of federal employees; Secret Service people, drivers, chefs, butlers, cleaners, Homeland Security ….returned to the White House, the destroyers and patrol vessels returned to the Persian Gulf…. and peace and lassitude once again returned to the Maine coast.
Fox TV, on White House orders, obediently lead the evening news off with; “Summit huge success. Bush and Putin great pals once again!”