Moscow, Russia (Rotters) – Russian President Vladimir Putin today announced that he had authorized the successful shoot down of a wayward US Army spy satellite. The mission was accomplished with a Russian ASAT missile which was launched by a MiG31. He stated that physicists had calculated the strike so that any remaining debris would merely rain down on the vast uninhabited portions of Russia, minimizing the risk to humans. As proof, Putin offered a picture of one of the destroyed satellite’s controversial fuel tanks that had made it through reentry virtually intact.
The Pentagon dismissed Putins claims as baseless propaganda, stating that it still had plans for a Navy shootdown of the satellite over the Pacific. The Pentagon further refused to confirm or deny claims from NASA that the satellite had abruptly disappeared from their tracking systems.
“We are pleased to lend a hand to the Bush administration,” stated Putin through interpreters. “I have gazed into his (President Bush) eyes before, and I have seen a man in real trouble. With the American economy doing as badly as it is right now, we were happy to save Mr. Bush the expense of a missile.”