Unconfirmed sources report that the Rapture Index has reached an all time high as end of days activities rage. The Rapture index has soared to 159, peaking over the critical 145 level, which indicates that the Rapture is imminent. Experts fear that with the index soaring it will only be a matter of time before the faithful are recalled to the kingdom of heaven leaving only sinners left on planet earth. Emergency management official insist they are ready but Americans fear the worst.
“America has nothing to fear.” Said the President from the White House. “The US government has made contingency plans and we feel there is little danger of a power vacuum when the Rapture occurs. We anticipate that when all the good people are taken up the government will be continuing as normal with absolutely no reduction of staffing at the federal level. When the Rapture comes will be here.”
“I’m sure the President is right that there will be only a small disruption of the federal government, but we are greatly concerned that the nation’s labor force could be reduced by up to half in certain areas.” Says Rapture Expert Dr James Dobson. “I’m terribly afraid that many social service originations like my own will be devastated by the Rapture.”
Several economists have issued dire warnings about the ramifications of such a population loss in this country.
“The economic fall out would be horrendous.” Worries economist Paul Krugman. “I’ve been saying for years that the Rapture would be a very bad thing for the economy. The housing bubble would burst as demand for housing disappears and the Federal deficit will explode as tax receipts fall and spending continues unabated. I just don’t think the Bush administration is playing it straight with the American people on this one.”