Religious Leaders Agree: Former Vice President Dick Cheney is Going to Hell

In an unusual show of solidarity, religious leaders around the world representing Christian, Jewish, Muslim and even Buddhist faiths agreed that former US Vice President Dick Cheney is going to hell in his next lifetime.

The predictions of eternal damnation for Cheney came after revelations that he endorsed torture and murder on a grand scale and attempted to hide the CIA’s involvement with the policy from Congress.

Though the definition of Hell varied among the religious leaders, they all expressed utmost confidence that the former second in command to disgraced former president George W Bush would burn in hell for eternity or, at the very least, suffer for countless eons.

Pope Benedict XVI said, “the former US Vice President is going to hell for eternity, according to God”.

Jewish Rabbinical leaders agreed that Cheney is a meshugana, or crazy person. Rabbi Shlomo Schwartz said, “That Cheney is going to have to answer to God for his crimes. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes for the rest of eternity!”

Muslim leader Ayatollah Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani