Republican Convention to Use Doric Columns in Stage Platform

Minneapolis, MN (Rotters) – After a day of criticizing the Democratic National Convention as being “uppity” for using Greek columns for its stage display at Invesco Stadium, in Denver Colorado, the Republican National Committee admitted that they would be using a more realistic version of the columns in question in their own display in Minneapolis-St. Paul for their convention next week. Appearing somewhat defensive, they then accused the Democratic Party of stealing symbolic trappings which have served them well in the 2004 Bush presidential election.

“I think we have successfully one-upped these Democrat wannabes,” stated an anonymous McCain spokesperson. “Our columns are the genuine article, borrowed from the Temple of Zeus in Greece, not just plywood mockups. As opposed to Democrats, we Republicans have a sense of history… the Iraq war, and hurricane Katrina have transformed Empire America… our columns are a nod towards George W Bush’s authentic place in history, and John McCain’s commitment to continue the tradition.”

The Republican National Convention begins next week, and party officials are looking to counter any sort of “Obama bounce” with the announcement of Tim Pawlenty, current Republican governor of Minnesota, as his vice presidential pick. McCain reportedly was impressed with Pawlenty’s handling last year of the catastrophic collapse and failure of a major bridge in Minnesota due to inadequate infrastructure funding and maintenance.