Unconfirmed sources report that the spin machine used by the Republican party has broken down. The Spin-O-Matic Model 2000 broke down during the first presidential debate leaving Bush unable to win the debate. Insiders say Bush was lip smacking eye popping mad.
The first sign of trouble appeared in Spin Alley, the after debate spin room. Karl Rove, the president’s head hatchet man was spinning to reporters and said. “It was one of the president’s better debate performances and one of Kerry’s worst.” One of the reporters, Vince Morris, of The New York Post stares at Rove and asks, “Can you say that with a straight face?”
Rove quickly ended the conversation and called back to the RNC Headquarters to have his worst fears confirmed. Just minutes into the debate the Spin-O-Matic had broken down in a shower of sparks and a pall of acrid smoke. Technicians were feverishly trying to repair it, but their efforts to that point had proven largely fruitless. Rove stomped back into Spin alley undefended by the Spin-O-Matic and took a trashing.
RNC insiders now report that the Spin-O-Matic 2000 is now back up and running, but it has sustained severe damage. “I was afraid something like this would happen.” Said our source. “We have been running the machine non-stop for almost five years without a let up. We asked too much of it last night and it had a melt down. We got it working again, sure, but it will never be the same. I think it will be working at 70%, maybe even less. The president is going to have his work cut out for him if he has to run on his record without the best spin available.”
John Geary, President of Spin Corp., maker of the Spin-O-Matic spoke with us about the Spin-O-Matic 2000 owned by the Republicans. “It is a good machine. The model 2000, which we built for them just before the last election, had been working great. But frankly they asked too much of it. You can’t run a machine like that for 5 years without regular service and expect it to function well. We have tried to service it on several occasions, but they would never let us turn it off. We did the best we could, but now I fear it is shot.”
RNC operatives have been combing the country for a replacement, but there are no machines out there that could match the out put of the Spin-O-Matic model 2000. Geary confirmed that the Republicans have ordered a new one, but that it will not be delivered in time for the election.