Unconfirmed Sources report that Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist has decided to exercise the ‘Nuclear Option’ and the ‘Final Solution’ against Senate Democrats. Come Monday morning Frist will change the rules in the Senate to eliminate the filibuster and then relocate Democratic Senators to a new ‘facility’ to await the ‘Final Solution’. Washington watchers are calling the legislative move the first step toward a ‘Brave New World’ of Republican power and governmental harmony.
One Republican member of the Rules Committee explained off the record. “We feel that the Senate will work more smoothly without such partisan divisions. If the parties are separated we will end the bickering that has marked the current session. The voters deserve a government that can make decisions and form policy without a lot of dithering and useless debate. The American people deserve a government that can do the will of the President and his party, and we feel this is the way to do it.”
When asked if moving the Decorates out of the capitol would cut them off from the decision making process another member of the Senate Rules Committee responded. “We are going to deliver newspapers out there and there will be a TV with C-Span on it. That should keep them involved enough.”
Senate Democrats who have been placed in ‘protective custody’ in preparation for their move to their new camp, were un reachable for comment.
When asked about the new arrangements Karl Rove spoke about the new climate of equanimity that was settling over the Senate. “There will be no more counter productive arguments about new policies. We are just going to get a lot more things done in the Senate.” When pressed about the constitutionality of the new rules Rove responded, “We have a majority we can do whatever we want to. The people voted George W. Bush and the Republicans back into office so that means they are behind us in all we do. These actions are not a naked power grab, this is about giving people the government they deserve.”
Senate Democrats are expected to remain in their new ‘facility’ until the success of the plan can be determined. If all goes according to schedule the ‘Final Solution’ will be implemented on the Democrats to solidify the balance the new government will have achieved.